I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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