When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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