Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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