I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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