The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
