well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
