so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
