i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
