What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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