I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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