my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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