he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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