it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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