party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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