I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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