Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
