How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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