She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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