I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
