I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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