Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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