Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
