You just made me feel so damn special
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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