what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize