let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Randomize
