she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
