They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
