can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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