Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
