We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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