After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
be right there i have to get my cape
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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