3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
