I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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