Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm having to shit out rocks
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