did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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