The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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