Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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