it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
