508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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