he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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