And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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