you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
