i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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