so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
God, I missed his penis.
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