i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
