I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize