I accidentally had phone sex last night
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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