If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
