I wannas sexs uuuuu
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
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