And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
