So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
