There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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