Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize