you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
