In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
