her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
