Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
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