I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I made him laugh his dick is mine
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
