Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
