Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
