There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
