i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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