just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
