it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
