I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
