im about as happy as oj after his trial
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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