Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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