Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Christians are straight up FREAKS
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
