I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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