Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
