You can't special order awesome
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
