Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
